"It's a dangerous business, going out your door.
You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet,
there's no knowing where you might be swept off to..."
--J.R.R. Tolkein

Friday, June 10, 2011

Portrait of the Copy-Machine

Think about how important a copy-machine is. Now, think about how important a properly functioning, regularly working copy-machine is. Please enjoy this guest post by our dear friend, the copy-machine.

My Life, by: the Copy-Machine

My life is hard. I spent my days churning out copies of books, lesson plans, homework assignments, and the occasional handout, which makes me believe I’m working in some kind of school or something. Sometimes, I pity the poor suckers who have to do the work that I copy. They probably have even less free time than I do.

That isn’t the worst though. I came here around the end of September, and it has been downhill ever since. I’m not quite sure what it is I copy, but whatever it is, it must be pretty important because not a day goes by when some stressed-out teacher doesn’t swear at me at least once. I seem to recall copying some stuff on intransitive verbs, then some math problems, and then some epically long readings about accounting or something for some university class or whatever. Whatever it is, copying is usually accompanied by some kind of swearing or screaming fit. All this, of course, happens in the school office, where there are little people who come in and pester the big people, who then inevitably scream “Detention!”

The thing is, I get sick constantly. Because they expect me to work all the time, I am always tired and keep breaking down. When I break down, they open me up and poke around in my insides and make jokes of a sexual nature. If I’m really sick, they send me to town, where they fix me temporarily and send me right back to the salt mines. Then. I break down again, and the process repeats itself.

The other problem is the power. We get our electricity from diesel generators. Yes, generators, plural. In the morning, we run a small generator what doesn’t provide enough voltage for me, so I only work at night when they run the big generator (which provides enough power for lights, which have to stay on so the kids can’t sneak around at night). However, it doesn’t work perfectly and the voltage is sometimes irregular, which really messes me up. But everyone still expects me to work all the time.

If there were a prison for copy-machines, this is sure it. I really hope they fix the power soon, and send the students on vacation ASAP so I can catch a break!

1 comment:

  1. It is very enjoyable to read this. I love it very much! Perhaps, it is one of the best pieces of writing you ever wrote! Keep writing, love!